he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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