i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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