I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
