I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
