I am midnight drunk by noon
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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