made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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