He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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