I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
