You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I need moral support for this bender
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
