xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
