Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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