i think i have two assholes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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