I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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