High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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