My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
