Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
