I just threw up on my dentist
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
