did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
