chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
