If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
