You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
