fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
