I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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