I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
