There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
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