I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
