DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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