The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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