I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
