you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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