i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
