Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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