ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
