my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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