So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
