Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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