"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
