Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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