we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
