think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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