Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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