Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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