would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
