You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
