apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
