She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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