Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
