I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
