I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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