You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
