Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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