Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
