So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Pants are for mortals
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
